Loving Kindness meditation: the Metta Bhavana

Loving Kindness meditation: the Metta Bhavana

The Dalai Lama once said: 'My own religion is kindness'. In this Western culture of depressing news, relentless advertising and individualism, it is easy to view the world as sorely lacking in consideration and kindness.

Yet the Buddhist belief is very much that we are all essentially compassionate Beings: none of us are born being cynical, suffering from low self-esteem, or tending to be judgemental.

We learn all these states, and responses, throughout childhood and as adults.

All of us have experienced the kindness of another human being, perhaps unexpectedly, and perhaps on many occasions. And we have all experienced the sense of joy that small acts of kindess can bring.

Yet, possibly as a result of cultural or family conditioning, in the West we struggle with the basic concept of kindness and compassion towards ourselves.

Many of us unknowingly give ourselves a hard time about life - continually thinking that we are not good enough, or letting people down, or feeling unable to say 'no'.

The good news is that it is possible to re-discover this sense of inner peace. The first stage is to become aware of the habits of our minds through meditation, and to begin to develop kindness towards yourself.

This meditation practice, which stems from Buddhism, can be challenging - but also quite profound. The trick is to commit to practising it every day, or regularly, for a few weeks.

Here is the practice:

Find a comfortable seated position, and somewhere you won't be disturbed for 10-20 minutes.

- Begin my becoming aware of your breathing - the simple inhale, exhale of your natural breath. Follow its sensations.

- Then bring to mind a good friend. Bring this person to mind as vividly as you can, and think of their good qualities. Feel your connection with your friend, and your liking for them, and encourage these to grow by repeating ‘may they be well; may they be happy' quietly to yourself. You can also use an image, such as shining light from your heart into theirs. Try to feel your response.

- Then bring to mind a neutral person; someone you do not especially like or dislike (ie a shopkeeper you see sometimes). Extend the same phrase to this person, and wish them well.

- Next, bring to mind someone you actually dislike. Try not to get caught up in any feelings of dislike, try to think of them positively and repeat the same phrase to yourself, gently. Wish this person love and kindness, perhaps recognising that this person is also a human being who wishes to be happy.

- Finally, bring to mind yourself. Visualise yourself sitting. Repeat the same phrase to yourself, over and over again, kindly, softly, persistently.

Do this meditation every day, if possible, for several weeks. Don't worry if it feels contrived, or strange; do it anyway, with a spirit of curiosity and openness.